Terro-rific: Getting Rid of Ants

Hello Terro,
Bye-Bye Ants

“Where the in the world are all these ants coming from?” I squealed at the site in question. A crew of ants came to visit my home last month to find a couple yummy crumbs and splashes of juice residue that my little son had left, and they decided to move in. They went gathered information about the perimeter and went back to colony to tell the whole brigade about the buffet, and all the scouts came to collect every morsel they could find.

I told a friend about the scene I had seen in my home. I told her that the ants had planned an attack while I went to run errands one day. “I think they are trying to take over and they are insulting me in the process.” I told her. My house has been the cleanest it has ever been and I had even taken it a step further by tidying up my place every single day. It had become a routine. All this cleaning, and I still get invaded. Give me a break!

“Terro.” She said to me.
“Terro?” I asked, “What is that?”
“It’s this yummy liquid stuff in a tray! The ants love it. They all come to the Terro tray as if it were a party and then they carry it back to the Queen and the nest, and it kills the problem. My mom swears by this stuff and now I do too.” She replies.

I went to the store and they had a slew of bug control products on the end-cap near the entrance as if it had been waiting on me and lots of other customers who love the summer but hate the bugs. I found the product, and some ant gel for hard to reach places, and some spray just incase it gets ugly. I then took all the products home and went to work. I laid out the Terro near the high traffic areas and
squeezed a little ant gel in hard to reach corners and walked away.

Less than an hour later I went back to check on my ant project to find that they indeed, loved the stuff. The gel and the Terro was getting all the action that the invisible crumbs on the floor once received. They were running wild over the stuff. Phase 1 was in effect and so far I hadn’t had to use and harsh sprays that probably wouldn’t solve much of the problem anyway.

The very next morning, I couldn’t believe that there were substantially less ants lurking around as the day before. Though there were a few ants still hovering over the Terro, they weren’t in a frenzy like they were before. It also helps that today is a somewhat dry, low humidity, cool day. I notice when the weather is a bit chilly, I see less bugs than usual, so I am hoping that the Terro will work it’s magic while the ant party takes the fun back the colony on this chilly day.

Not sure what to expect later or even tomorrow, but so far, this product is Terro-riffic. It works fast, seems effective and I can’t wait to see the results.

-lex

Craigslist Scavenger

Who threw this trash in the garbage pail? This pail is worth at least $11.

So it was just yesterday when I discussed being late to the technology parade. There must be some lag time on when I become a part of the innovative mainstreams of society. I live in Chicago! What’s my fricking excuse? Any who, I discovered a few months ago, that Craigslist is this wonderful world of buying items much cheaper than you would at your local convenient store. I found a whole set of dining chairs for $35! All four, for just 35 smackeroos! Can you believe that? More shockingly, they were in great condition.

My only issue with scavenging for potentially good additions to your home, is that you have to sift through the truly miscellaneous household items. Often times I come across items that are just plain ol’ crazy, and the owner lays it on thick in the quick description to spark your interest. For example, “Jun 27- Completely New to You but used Bedding Set – FULL Size Bed (17 pieces) $30 (Old Town) pic map” Not that you, the buyer, care about why this set is in 17 pieces, what you are more curious about is where in the world is Old Town? Is that a new neighborhood?

There is no way to pass up a chance to see these interesting items though, especially when the words “new” and “$30” reside on one line. There is a curiosity that leads me to witness whether this item is as good or bad as it sounds. It isn’t the description itself that hooks me, its the necessary evidence to see why this item was worthy enough to damn near throw onto a total stranger, although the description sounds really enticing. This is where they, the owner, says they are selling a beautiful vintage antique metallic lamp, when it’s just an old, dusty silver lamp from Aunt Anna’s attic.

My favorite thing to read on Craigslist is when an owner posts how much they spent on an item and how they virtually want you to do the same but only this time…it’s used. You scan the page to find pillows on sale and the owner shows faboulous pictures of the pillows but the memo from the owner says, “I bought all 7 of these throw pillows from Pottery Barn for $30 each, I am only asking for $30 per pillow. Great Deal! Buy Now! Contact me at one2three4five6seven.”

Lastly, my favorite Craigslist surprise is when you truly have spotted an item that you want to get to know in person. You laid eyes on it,fell in love with it, and even imagined it in the corner, next to your couch, in your living room. It goes perfectly with your home decor. The price whispers sweet nothings to your wallet. You are ready to get close and comfortable with it. You finally email the owner, eagerly waiting for a reply and when it comes, you open the email anxiously. You wonder if their availability matches yours, and why they would get rid of such a beautiful piece, and how you can’t wait to call that Ikea side-table your own. The email then tells you the truth about your wast of romantic energy, while it reads “Sorry! I already sold it! I will take the listing down asap. Thanks for stopping by though.”

Way to get my hopes up high. Instead of searching for an affordable side-table on this website, maybe I should set my eyes to search for mood stabilizers. Is there a category for that on Craigslist? I might not have any luck with that either, but I still have might dining room chairs!

-lex

Technology, How Do I Keep Up With Thee?

If you don’t know who the Jetsons are, Google it!

Have you ever heard about a new technologically awesome crave and found that you were one of the last people in your circle to jump on that party bus? I am somewhat of a traditional person, but I have learned to appreciate what the alternative options that technology has brought to my life. However, I still get the feeling that it is moving too fast for me to jump over each upcoming technology hurdle.

Now the pros for me are the options to do things faster, with less of a hassle. Like using the self-checkout kiosk at the grocery store. When I go to self-checkout, I feel like it’s the VIP of the store; the part of the shopping experience that reminds you of Chuck E. Cheese, but instead of the gold mouse coins you’re using your actual debit card. One swipe and you’re out that b-word with a bag of groceries and no waiting!

Keep in mind, I said “less of a hassle!” When it comes to technology you never know when its going to do the exact opposite of what it’s intended to. How about those automated phone systems. You know the one who doesn’t understand your english because you have the soundtrack of a 2-year-old right on your lap. “I’m sorry! I didn’t get that.” By the time you’re ready to give up you’re hollering at the machine asking to speak to a real, living, human, operator, consultant, or agent, because the zero button is a null function nowadays.

“Gimmie a human. I wanna speak to a human!” You scream.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t get that. Would you like to speak with an agent?”
You then say “yes” with a sigh of relief until the automated phone system tells you that it’s a control freak and that you have to go through her to get what you want. She then says, “Before I transfer you to an agent, I need to verify your information!” What a frickin headache. That technology, I can do without. Shame on me for being so traditional, that I prefer conversing with a humanoid about my personal business.

There are so many things that I love and hate about technology especially the trending social media fads. When I found out about BlackPlanet, people were onto Myspace, when I finally got a Myspace account, people were onto Facebook. When I figured out that facebook wasn’t just about rekindling old high school flames, I logged on. Before I knew it, people were onto Twitter and hashtagging. Before I had the chance to tweet my first tweet, people were onto Instagram, and apparently Myspace is relaunching its transformation for the new generation. How do I keep up? Is there a website to keep me in the loop?

Damn it! Managing all those accounts on your iPhone, Smartphone, tablets, laptops, and or PCs, has got to be exhausting. We should all just take a trip to that pond that would visit when we were little and fail at skipping stones. Then when you finally won the “Who can throw a rock the furthest into the pond game” right, post about it on all your accounts and wait for comments from your virtual friends to give you instant gratification!

Excuse me while I join the new, new Myspace community…again…like I did ten years ago!

-lex

Don’t Leave Your Face Naked!!!

I’d rather be caught dead before you see me without makeup! (That’s what she said!)

Once upon a time I went to work dressed to the nines. I knew I had put together a fabulous pairing that day; some wide legged slacks and a really dressy blouse, and shoes that actually elevated my body a couple of inches taller. My hair was also freshly blown out and slightly curled to my perfection. That’s right! Work it girl!

Not only did I make sure to look nice that day, I especially went the extra mile because my crush would be at that particular work site. I thought I had it going on. I walked into the office and my supervisor says, “Well, look at you!” She always paid forward the compliments. She built me up a few notches to tell me from a mature angle, “How you gone be fabulous from the shoe to the neck, and leave your face naked?” I went on to tell her that I washed it and moisturized it. I thought that would suffice. She then told me that adding a little liner, gloss, and mascara should do the trick!

It was funny at the time, but I got it! The point was when you get to a certain age, a woman has to go a few inches to a mile to complete your look. When you’re a teenager you get to look fresh in the face with no make up on with your perky, slim body that gets to where anything with your favorite fanny pack and vaseline to grease your lips, and your eyes were as wide and bright as the sun.

Now that I am all grown up with a support bra and luggage under my eyes, it’s time to get married to make up. It has gotten to the point where my purse checklist includes an emergency eyeliner, eyebrow pencil, and some moisturizing lip balm. Fancy, huh? I don’t even think about leaving without it!

Unfortunately, if you don’t include the make up ritual into your daily regimen, you could be one of those women who drive while they apply liquid eyeliner with one eye on the road on the other on Fabulous Avenue. Isn’t that insane and potentially dangerous? So what I decided to do was to apply my makeup before I leave home and eat my eggs, french toast, and turkey sausage breakfast while driving to work.

Fabulous Avenue…here I come!

-lex

Housecleaning Ain’t for the Weak

I am NOT a robot! However, I can DO the robot!

So with the coming of nicer and newer household amenities, I found myself cleaning everything. You gain some inner peace when your abode has been blessed with concoctions of solutions you afforded from the dollar store. Hovering over all the new nice things and the people who live there have to hear you bark, “NEW STUFF, NEW RULES!” Everything was sprayed, waxed, disinfected, shine, degreased, whitened, freshened, washed, scrubbed, dried, vacuumed, swept, mopped, wiped, and swept, and washed, and swept, over and over.

Every single popcorn kernel, every time one was spotted, was swept, and then another would appear. I thought maybe it could be a dirty trick someone was playing on me. I became paranoid! I became this old nagging witch-monster, constantly yakking and interrogating my household:

Who was on the couch? No sitting on or near the couch!
Who had this cup? Don’t even think about using another cup later!
Who left this cupcake out? People are starving somewhere you know!
Why are these shoes in the middle of the floor? This is not your bedroom!
Who left this half eaten yogurt in the window seal? Oh that’s mine!
Who used the good container for these vodka-bath-of-gummy-bears?
Maybe I will just try one.
Who drank all the juice and didn’t throw the box away? You all are heathens.
Who let the trash fall out of the garbage bag? Nasty people, that’s who.
Where is the vacuum? Oh it’s actually where it belongs?
Who’s dish is this? I am not washing another dish ever again!
Who left the food out? I must look like your personal maid.
Didn’t I just clean this bathtub? That’s it! I have had it!
Get that off the floor!
Pick that up!
Wipe that off!
That’s just disgusting!…

By the end of the night, and the end of a hard drink, I realized that it is so much easier saying “EFF this S!” Though I found that the apartment was squeaky clean and silence whispered across the hard wood flooring, a feeling of accomplishment came over me. Somehow I had the balls to do it all. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, and entertaining my son right into his bedtime!

I won the day! Did I look like I won? Probably not with frizzy hair, a salty upper lip from the sweat beading from my face for the past 8 hours. I won though. After a shower and nursing a sore ankle, I won!

I salute you cleaning machines. I raise my hats and my glass to you, who fight the battle against crud, dust, dirt, clutter, funk, and disorganization!

Keep winning! Keep cleaning!
‘Cuz you never know when someone will just pop over unexpectedly and when they do don’t greet them with a “hello,” greet them with these words:

I am a winner!

Kill the Hamster Wheel

You know the routine!!!

I know I am running on this wheel. You know this wheel. Every productive citizen knows this wheel. The hamster wheel. It doesn’t go anywhere in particular, and if I use some creativity or an imagination, plus a little initiative I am sure that I can envision myself clearly doing anything else besides my same routine. The hamster wheel routine that most of us know, also know as life maitenance.

Laundry
Groceries
Cooking
Household Shopping
Cleaning
Engaging your children
Filling the tank
Work
Picking up your children
Laundry
Groceries
Popping something in the oven
Household shopping
Engaging your children
Filling the tank
Round and around and around.

So you learn to truly appreciate the off kilter experiences that slow that wheel down. Kick that wheel. Tell that wheel to get a life, or how about just living life outside the routine from time to time.
How?

Date night with someone you really fancy!
Grown Up Time!
Girls night out with good weather!
A trip to an empty Chuck E. Cheeses at 9a.m. with your child!
Solo, guilt-free, list-free shopping!
A lounging night watching the one show you love with a cocktail!
A peaceful bath, and a full night of sleep.
Waking up in the morning at your leisure.

Damn this sounds great. Doesn’t it? Makes you wanna just abandon that wheel. That wheel has no mercy. Its hate our gutts!

…but without that wheel, how would we have clean clothes, or cooked meals, or the luxury of peaceful or playful moments?

DAMN IT! The Wheel wins.

-lex

Dear Love, You’re Making Me Uncomfortable

Now the challenge of dating as a single mother is not that you are a parent, it is that you have that hat to wear plus many more and your life somehow requires romance too. Sure you are already loved to pieces by your little lovebug baby, but guess what, you are gonna want some good old fashion grown up love from time to time, and maybe even permanently. I love love. I love seeing it on film and in the videos and on magazines. In real life I am TERRIFIED of it.

Love isn’t an unidentified object. Or is it? Because when I fall in love, I don’t feel love as an emotion. I feel confused. I want to press the “like” button for the guy I am dating, but what happens when the “like” button isn’t enough? I feel uncomfortably obsessed with how to express my interest without freaking out the both of us. I feel like instead of calling to say “I miss you” I refrain from calling at all so I can pretend to be busier than I really am, when all I am doing is thinking of himmm! That’s not the way to approach this mushy stuff but I’m grown! Who does that? Teenagers do. I am 27 full human years old!

Love makes me laugh uncontrollably. Love brings out my nerdy side. It makes me lotion my knees, elbows, and feet, when truly I don’t ever feel like it. Love gets on my nerves because it makes me so nervous. I’m constantly concerned. Overly available. Hopelessly happy! Why not embrace the wave of warmth and fuzzy wuzzy feelings? BECAUSE I AM AN ADULT! This is not a Disney movie. What happens when you have to squeeze every drop out of your schedule to fit love in? What happens when it’s worth all the trouble?
Love is different when you are a full adult. You can’t make blissfully ignorant mistakes the way you did when you were much younger. Love can be a very serious thing when you have more invested than just your bubble gum to share from your Lisa Frank back-pack. Stakes are higher, and love has to have mercy on you and every single soul involved but will it? Am I truly falling, have already fallen, there but not confessing, in it and not professing it…and why? When these questions arrive, assess whether your love interest is on the same two-way street and that they are just as confused about directions as you are. But how? Maybe the “easy” button would come in handy here.

signed
-lex
though this was not in letter form

Bad Luck vs. Being Tired

Yesterday I came to terms with my bad luck weekend. I faced it. Laughed at it. Felt better and moved along with my life. Today I discovered that it is obviously not luck at any rate. It’s my perspective. It is that very reason I have noticed how tired, confused, overextended, and busy I am. That is the formula for mishaps. The formula that makes you forget where you put your keys when you just had them.

Today, I asked a friend of mine, after being at thier house for a half hour if they say me walk in with a jacket. It was a random question but I wanted a real answer. I remember crossing the street with it in my arms, along with my purse and my phone. Now there is a just a purse and just a phone. Where’s the jacket?
Try outside in the bushes. As if my spirit said, “Hey, the weather is great out here whatdaya need this ol jacket for?”

As we proceeded outside to the carI realized that I left my necklace in the my friends place. I asked “Do you mind if I grab it please? It goes with my jacket perfectly!” After that I enjoyed a fabulous brunch in Chicago’s Loop. The sun felt like it was apologizing for its absence on that rainy Saturday that just passed. The food was amazing and time passed so slower than a flower grows. I enjoy this brunch date thoroughly as I resisted the need to check the time on my phone before I rush off to work. Shortly after my arrival to work, I discovered I also left my phone at my friends house.

I think its time to slow this down a few notches and As I reflect back on last Friday, it is my fast paced life that locked my keys into the car. I am tired.I need rest. I need to reset my memory. I need Calgon. Do they even sell Calgon anymore?

THE END
(because I am too tired to finish this post)

-lex

Young & the Restless

There is nothing that I enjoy more than a good ol time. Lately, my good ol times consists of good food, wine (maybe) and laying in bed watching the first half of a movie and letting the last half watch me.
Not so long ago I was the girl people asked out because they KNEW I would shut it down. I floated in wearing 3 inches or more on my feet and danced til the DJ was tired honey! These days I find myself asking “Whats the dress code?” or “Hows the crowd?” in hopes of not having to wear heels, feeling out of place wearing extra comfy clothes and not staying out all night.
From sophomore year in high school til I became pregnant at 21 I never came in the house on a party night before 3am. These days I like to hang out early so I can be in my bed by 10pm. I’m not sure if I’m gettin old or if I’m just plain ol tied (tired).
At the end of the day I do not mind going or staying home I’m thankful I have a place to go and lay my head at the end of everyday. But because I’m only 27 I feel like I should be painting the town red but I’m usually at home painting my nails red right before I call it a night.

-Ms J Having fun is exhausting!

Bad Luck and Good News

As I recall, last Friday approached, and I was as happy as a June bug. That means it was time to have a good time. Now check the archive and follow that I stated I was preparing for a funky good time on my last post. I never suspected that Friday was going to be a fart and the entire weekend would just be plain ol’ funky. Now people often say when it rains it pours. I try not to believe in negativity, but when negative things happen, tell the universe to knock it off. Then be ready for the good things to feel really good since everything has been so bad.

Here’s what happened:

Friday…

Girl leaves work hungry and goes to cafe.

Girl gets to cafe and locks keys in car.

Girl’s android phone dies 7 minutes later.

Girl needs charger but only iPhone users are present.

Girl has 2 minutes to use stranger’s iPhone to call lock smith.

Girl gets charged $90 for locksmith.

Girl walks to atm to get cash.

Girl watches service man jimmy into her car in a matter of seconds.

Pause: $90 for a 17 second service? Are you kidding me?

Girl shops at Target and proceeds to checkout.

Girl discovers she has lost her debit card.

Pause: Are you kidding me? How did I lose my card? WTF?

dot-dot-dot.

Saturday sounded like this:

Girl it’s about to be a blast today. Totally. Fun. Out of Control. Paint the town! To-Tal-ly. Drinks and the festival! Hells YEA! WE SO FLY! F’ing right!
[HARD RAIN] SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Pause: How did we get caught in the rain and why does it take so long to close an umbrella when you finally have gotten most of your body in the car, except the arms that are attempting to close this damn umbrella causes half of your body to get soaked with salty rainwater that makes you ashy afterward.

dot-dot-dot.

Sunday felt like this:

Do you wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night? Has everyone around you made you feel worse than you already feel? Have all your small kitchen appliances(toaster & microwave) given up on you when you needed them the most?

The answer is yes, yes, and yes!

dot-dot-dot.

Pause: Now I have to cook everything with fire like a caveman?

Monday looks like this:

Rushing. Ready. Coffee. Baby. Bags. Keys. Phone. Out. Walking. Dog. Dog?

Pause: Why is there a f’king pitbull outside of my gate right in front of my car? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Later on this day:

Superior: Hello, thanks for covering today!

Me: It is always a pleasure! Anytime!

Superior: Would you like to come work over the summer with us?

Me: Absolutely!

Pause: Is my series of unfortunate events over?

dot-dot-dot!

-lex, until next time.